Secret Keepers

Everybody has a deep, dark secret – something you don’t want the world to learn. Do you worry at night that somebody might find out, and ruin your life? You need Secret Keepers!

It’s this easy: Simply send us evidence of the secret you want kept, and we’ll protect it from prying eyes. Not sure how much your secret is worth? Don’t worry, we’re on it! Our patent-pending Secrecy Algorithms™ enable us to determine how much your secret is worth, indexed against your financial status. You simply pay a convenient monthly fee, and your secret is safe with us. That’s all there is to it. With Secret Keepers, you can rest easily at last!

About Secret Keepers: Founder and CEO Franklin “Blackie” Mailer has been keeping members of the upper crust safe for nearly 30 years. Now you can experience the security that only Blackie can provide – the kind of security that used to be reserved for indiscrete scions of wealthy industrialists, office-seekers with skeletons in the closet, and heiresses who loved well but not too wisely.

Learn more at secretkeepers.com. For best results, do not involve law enforcement agencies.

• Not available in Nigeria, Russia, Sicily, or certain neighborhoods in Manhattan
• Not liable for damages stemming from lost or stolen information

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